Celebrity Cage Match 2: Enraged Employee Edition Round 1
Versus
The Fight
🎯 Target (Bullseye Becky) vs. 💸 K-Mart (Liquidation Lana)
Bullseye Becky rolled in on a home-branded scooter, sipping an ethically sourced cold brew, wearing her red and khaki like they belonged to her. “My aisle ends in victory,” she announced, hurling reusable mugs and artisanal potted plants like javelins.
Liquidation Lana clawed her way up through a clearance tunnel, wielding expired coupons and a broken printer labeled “Blue Light Special.” “You’ll pay for everything,” she sneered, flinging discontinued VCRs and George Foreman Grills with startling accuracy. “Wait, who are you?”, questioned Becky. “I’ve never heard of Kmart. It must be a Gen X thing.”
“I’m going to give you my Black and Blue Light Special,” Lana exclaimed, clutching her EBT Checklist. Becky rolled her eyes and showed a “Closing Time” meme on her Target-branded iPhone.
The Final Blow: After Becky’s glitter bomb destroyed Lana’s coupon vault, Lana found her old K-Mart CEO badge… and unlocked her true form: Executive Clearance Mode. She vanished into a corporate dimension, taking Becky’s cold brew with her. Result: Target wins through vaporization.