Celebrity Cage Match 2: Enraged Employee Edition Round 1
Versus
The Fight
📶 T-Mobile (Sprint Steve) vs. 🌶️ Chili’s (Babyback Bob)
Sprint Steve descended from a magenta satellite and activated his ringtone battle mode. “Someday they’ll stop calling us Sprint,” he buzzed, launching sim cards and confusing metaphorical invoices. “Copyright 2023 Softbank Corporation!”
Babyback Bob skidded in on a flaming platter that smelled like ambition and cheese. “I bring sizzle to sorrow,” he declared, slapping salsa grenades onto Sam’s screen protectors and creating a Wi-Fi blackout in six counties. “Can you hear me now, Bitch?” He screamed.
“That’s Verizon, you moron,” Steve yelled back, realizing he had taken the bait. Before he could correct himself, Bob launched a frontal Skinny Marg assault, followed by a Triple Dipper suplex. “You ain’t got back, baby!” Confused, Steve stammered and whinced, barely able to through a single screen protector at a hefty margin.
The Final Blow Steve tried to call for backup… but the call dropped. Bob tossed his final quesadilla, which detonated in cinematic slow motion. Steve, now stuck in roaming purgatory, forfeits the fight. Chili’s wins with guac-fueled dominance.