Celebrity Cage Match 2: Enraged Employee Edition Round 1
Versus
The Fight
🪑 Cracker Barrel (White Supremacy Walter) vs. 🍸 Applebee’s (Dollarita Dawn)
White Supremacy Walter rolled in on a reinforced rocking chair with gravy missiles on standby. “This porch ain’t big enough for both of us,” he rasped, flinging biscuits like divine meteors and quoting Civil War cookbooks.
Dollarita Dawn exploded out of a fog machine built from flavored rum. “Two-for-one never means mercy,” she shouted, launching cocktail shakers and mozzarella blades. She summoned the full force of casual dining wrath.
Walter, brandishing a brass armadillo, quipped “At least I don’t need to get my customers drunk so they don’t complain about the food.”
“At least I didn’t shake Abraham Lincoln’s Hand BEFORE the Civil War,” Dawn retorted.
The Final Blow: As Dawn approached for the finishing blow, Walter whispered the secret phrase: “Complimentary cornbread.” Dawn paused—then teared up. She dropped her shaker and gave him a hug. The twist? Walter flipped her into a gravy pit mid-embrace. Cracker Barrel wins. Dawn retires peacefully to brunch.