The Fight

🦞 Red Lobster (Crabstab Cathy) vs. 🌶️ Chili’s (Babyback Bob)

Crabstab Cathy bounced across the lot, wielding cheddar bay throwing biscuits. “I’ve cracked shells and spirits,” she shouted, dragging her lobster tail cannon into position. The scent of seafood power wafted ominously.

Babyback Bob erupted from a vent, sizzling and salsa-coated. “You can’t crustacean your way out of Flavortown,” he roared, launching tortilla flares and backflipping into a vat of queso. Steam and shredded menus filled the air.

Cathy opened the bout with an Atlantian Oyster Barrage, but was quickly countered by Bob’s Pick 3 Rib Combo Clothesline. Not to be deterred in a battle among reheated dinners, Cathy brought forth a tidal wave of Admiral’s Feasts. The two combatants, standing nose-to-nose, pummeled each other with overcooked entrees, slightly alcoholic cocktails, and appetizers nobody ever orders.

The Final Blow: Cathy aimed her final crab missile, but Bob deep-fried it mid-air, and ate it. He cried softly. “It was delicious… and too powerful.” Cathy vanished into a mist of melted butter and unresolved cravings. Chili’s wins, slightly emotional.

Back to Round 2