The Fight

🎯 Target (Bullseye Becky) vs. 🍝 Olive Garden (Breadstick Bruno)

Bullseye Becky cartwheeled into battle dressed in patio-themed body armor and clutching a red circle shield. “Bruno,” she spat, “Your breadsticks are stale, and so is your brand loyalty.” She hurled sequined throw pillows with strategic precision at a random passerby.

Breadstick Bruno countered by tap-dancing atop a ravioli launcher while reciting romantic poetry. “At least my customers still want to come inside my place of business,” Bruno countered. He deflected a flaming coaster with his garlic gauntlet and summoned a pasta vortex that trapped two innocent pigeons midair.

Becky charged at Bruno with the red-hot passion only possible when someone wears Red and Khaki 5 days a week, but Bruno deflected by grating Parmesan cheese onto her path. Becky recovered and grabbed her Target Circle card, brandishing it like a prisoner with a shiv. Bruno, not to be daunted, threw a plate of molten lasagna at Becky’s head.

The Final Blow: Becky fired one final espresso pod from a seasonal slingshot—but Bruno caught it, brewed it mid-air, and sipped it dramatically. Becky gasped. “That… that was pumpkin spice.” Her knees buckled. Olive Garden wins—via emotional sabotage and seasonal overload.

Back to Round 2